More Books And Barbies, A DVD, Too!
-by Noah
Got a Republican Domestic Terror cell in your neighborhood? Maybe they hold meetings in the local mega-maga church or the basement of some district office of a member of Congress? Do you know someone who watches FOX-Goebbels all day? Is there a lawn or two down the street that's covered with Trump banners, Confederate, and Nazi flags? If so, why not let them know you know exactly what they are? No, I'm not saying you should slash their tires or leave a burning bag of shit on their doorstep. I'm not even suggesting that you bake them a cake or casserole with spoiled milk and eggs that are a month or two past their sell date, nor am I saying that, only if their property is fenced in, you might want to rent a few goats and pen them in their yard overnight. That would be wrong. Instead, here are some last minute civli ideas for a gift fit for a traitor.
1. The Marjorie Traitor Greene Domestic Terrorist Barbie! - What typical male Republican domestic terrorist incel would want this one! And hey, if you know someone from that Moms For Liberty or Moms For Hitler group of whatever it's called, we've been hearing in the news that they're at least bi-curious so it looks like ya can't go wrong with this nifty MTG Domestic Terrorist Barbie, especially if it comes in a nice hot pink blow up version! We hear Matt Gaetz already has the Ages 8 to 14 version.
2. And speaking of perverts, how about a nice DVD of "Gym Teacher, The Movie?" It's a modern day Republican classic! Yep, a classic Republican movie that stars Ohio congressman Gym Shower Jordan! The man who likes to watch himself! Believe us! Gym Jordan is really into athletics. A bit of soap and a lot of sweat is just the thing that makes his day and watching this will make Christmas so great again for your special giftee!
3. The Kellyanne Conway Propaganda Barbie! - Remember this dingbat? Remember Miss Alternative Facts 2016? Remember her wearing her little toy soldier outfit on Inauguration Day? It was just like it's pictured here. What a damn mindless freak! I still feel so bad for her then teen daughter who has to suffer embarrassment the rest of her life just because her mother is a total crackpot and a traitor to the country. I hope the daughter's in some sort of group therapy thing, maybe with "Ted" Cruz's kids. Damn, being a teen is awkward enough but having this thing as your mother? OMG to the max!!!
4. A fresh copy of Rudy Giuliani's memoir, "Between The Dildo Store And The Crematorium." It's now in its sixth printing folks, and, lucky you, DWT has found a decent supply of brand spanking new, unmarked and unstained copies! Not even saliva! If you happen to know a republican that can actually read a book, you might want to consider gifting a fresh copy to them.
5. The Donald Trump's Worst Fuckin' Nightmare Barbie - Remember that nice summer day this summer down in Alabamy where four racist Republican types (Yeah, I know my saying racist & republicans is redundant but those two words just go together so naturally in today's world!) But, I digress. It was quite an episode. A bunch of the Confederacy's finest illiterate inbreds insisted they were entitled to a space to tie up their pontoon boats but the space they chose was a reserved space used by a local riverboat tour company and when the riverboat guy who is black dared to want the space that was rightfully his, well, all hell broke loose and it was brawl time complete with folding metal chairs, now known as Cracker Whackers, that became the weapon of choice. Hey, why not? Ya gotta use whatever's handy. Feel free to watch below.
So anyway, why not the gift of a nice Black Barbie Prosecutor with a Cracker Whacker? Guaranteed to upset any one of the 74,000,000 Trump loving racist voters that walk among us. It would be a perfect gift for Traitor Don himself since we know how much the idea of being prosecuted by a person of color sticks in his fleshy craw. Better yet, just send a bar of soap to him at Mar-a-Lago. That way he'll be all set if he ever, at least in some alternate universe, spends the rest of his life in jail.
6. And last but certainly not the least: The Lindsey Graham Closet Case Barbie! - I have so little to say about this one except that I'm sure you know someone who would cherish it as the best Christmas gift ever, or something. All I can say is that I can't help but wonder exactly what Putin or Trump have on this guy and he, maybe, should look up Ernst Röhm and see what happened to him. Just this passed Sunday, I saw Lindsey on Meet The Press where he was sadly tap dancing his way through an interview with all the grace of Elaine Benes as he desperately expressed his defense of his man Trump constantly quoting Adolf Hitler who is now, more clearly than ever before, even more clearly and more dangerously than in the days of Nixon, the biggest American Icon of the Republican Party.
That's it for the series this year. At this point, I wonder if there will be a next year. Here ar the links to the rest of the series:
Part 9- Handguns, Melania Bathroom Decor, Chia Biden and more!
Part 8- Books & Barbies, Edition 2
Part 7- Full Blown Nazi Edition
Part 6- Books And Barbies, Edition 1
Part 5- The Trump Family Fraud Card and More!
Part 4- T-Shirt Edition!
Part 3- Ivanka's Amnesia and More!
Part 2- Snow Globe Edition
Part 1- This Year's List Starts Here