-by Noah
Have you procrastinated when it comes to shopping for Republicans just like Merrick Garland procrastinated when it came to putting the worst of their kind in Leavenworth or in front of the firing squad so many of them deserve even more? Well, not to worry, there's still a few days before Christmas, not to mention that I suppose you could count the eleven days after that. In any event, showing your contempt, ridicule, and disgust for the Nazi-inclined always has it's value even when others shirk their duties. I've always said, "Give me a gun and a badge and I'll sort it all out," but, alas, no one has. So, since time is getting tight, here are some more gift suggestions that come with a message, even if your giftee is too damn dumb to get it.
1. LEGO, Storm The Capitol Edition! - (See above) Now any of the typical Republican traitors that you have the misfortune to know of, even worse, be related to, can lovingly reenact January 6, 2021 right in their own homes. They can even use this gift to practice for the inevitable next attempt. Why not wrap it up with a leaky can of Bear Spray for added realism as they relive their happy days of gouging out police eyeballs, breaking their bones and even killing them. I bet this LEGO set even comes with a little American, Confederate, or Nazi flag on a sharpened flagpole that they can stab people with to their charred heart's content. After all, nothing says "I'm a patriotic 'murican faster than that!
2. Melania Trump's Bathroom Decor Kit - Once you understand that your Republican giftees will love playing with the Storm The Capitol LEGOs, you may want to also send them a nice "Bathroom Decor Kit By Melania!" Oh how they'll love the constant reminder that their idol almost really did overthrow the government! Don't forget, there really is such a thing as toilet paper with Trump's bizarro face on it. Toilet bowl liners, too! And, if we're all lucky my custom line of hand carved orange urinal cakes with Traitor Don's face on them will be available in the nick of time!
3. A very special, Limited Edition Trump Supporter Handgun!- Comes in my special "Thoughts & Prayers" Wrapping Paper.™ What? You think I'm being too harsh? Really? Check back with me next year! Make sure the gun's fully loaded! Dumb-dumbs for dumb-dumbs!!!
4. Ron DeSantis Big Boy Boots! - Poor Ron DeSantis, he really has some sort of problem with footwear. Remember those knee high white patent leather kinky boots he wore to some flood? Note to Ron: Stop accepting fashion help from South Carolina Senators. Seriously though, Why does Ron the wannabe fuhrer think his height is the problem that's keeping his campaign from taking off? That's the least of it. Everytime he tries to fake a smile, you can almost hear his face cracking as if it's about to shatter like cheap glass. Oh, and by the way, Ron, don't try goose stepping in these as much as you'd love to. You'll break your neck. Make no mistake, Ron DeSantis is one living hell of a typical Florida freakazoid. So, does your giftee have fears of not "measuring up?" He's a repug, so of course he does, and these boots will add three inches of height. What Republican doesn't want to look down on as many people as possible? Be sure to put a scorpion in each boot!!!
5. And, last but certainly not least, The Chia Joe Biden!Freedom of Choice or not, this is a gift that's sure to send a Republican or any other type of Nazi straight up a wall! No, not that wall, a much better one! Rest assured, I'm working on a line of Poison Oak Republican Chias for next year!
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