by Noah It's that most wonderful time of the year again! Are ya feelin' it? Sure you are!!! How could you not be, especially when you start wondering what the hell you can find that's suitable for some goose stepping repug you happen to know or, horror of horrors, be related to. First of all, you'll be wanting to wrap your gifts in some nice Ultramaga Wrapping Paper (pictured above) 'cause nothing says Happy Holidays like Diaper Don flying through the air, preferably catapulted into that volcano that's currently erupting in Iceland, of course. So, here we go: 1. A Nice Trump Mugshot Poster! This is the perfect one to start with because nothing says 2023 like a Trump mugshot so we might as we start with this. I think Trump and the RNC were illegally selling real prints of the actual Trump Atlanta mugshot along with a matching T-Shirt that even said "Never Surrender" on it but why send anyone the real thing and put money in the pockets of traitors when you can just do a color xerox of the cartoon below and send that? Your giftee might like the sentiment, no? Put it in a cheap plastic frame and you're all set. Of course the irony of the picture being of the Republican Party's beloved fuhrer goon actually surrendering to the law is lost on repugs but what do you expect from people who have the average IQ of an Irish Setter?
2. A Can Of Orange Spray Paint! Yep, there's millions of republicans out there who fantasize about putting on a baggy blue rubber suit and making themselves up to look just like their Dear Leader, so why not? Don't worry, if your local supplier has run out of the paint, some Rust Oleum'll do the trick.
3. A Trump Train Set! Can you believe some America-hating asswipe actually makes and sells this? "The Polar Express" it ain't. More like "The Let's Burn Down The Capitol Express." Next thing you know, they'll be issuing a bonus "Mike Pence Hanging From The Gallows Car." Probably comes with a can of bear spray and miniature sharpened flagpoles, too. But, hey, what republican wouldn't want a Trump train going in circles around their tree?
4. My First Ankle Monitor! Jeez, now that the idea of giving a kid a train for Christmas has been ruined, what do ya give the kids, specifically republican kids? Well, if they're growing up in a household that thinks people like Trump, Rudy, Gym Jordan, Marjorie Traitor Greene, Vlad Putin, Gaetz, DeSantis, and Bobo the Handjobber are role models, chances are they're going to be wearing an ankle monitor sooner or later. Might as well get them in one right now!
That's it for today. Black Friday's a comin'. Lots of Black Fridays no doubt. Next up will be the "DWT Gift Ideas For Republicans: Snow Globe Edition." Stay tuned!