by Noah
Just last week, former President Trump announced that he wants to be, henceforth, not known by his surname but by his number in the list of American presidents. His new website is 45Office.com. That's fine with me. I've said all along that in the future people who have the Trump surname will want to change that name for obvious reasons. After all, the surname Hitler disappeared from the world's phonebooks 70 years ago.
Mr. Shame of America wants to put '45' on all manner of products and try to sell them. So, we can look forward to '45' becoming the next Trump Airlines, Trump Steaks, Trump Wine, or Trump University. It seems that even a psychopathic pissbrain like Trump knows that his surname is a nonstarter when it comes to branding, even more so after his last four years of massive clusterphuckery. That's quite a tacit admission coming from someone who has never, not even once, been known to admit a failure or a shortcoming despite so many opportunities. But couldn't we help him come up with something much more descriptive of the product and not so snooze-o-matically boring as 45Office.com? To that end, I have some constructive thoughts. Here's what I might suggest if I was Traitor Don's marketing guru.
1. Traitor Don, in fact, is a good place to start. I think that anyone who wants to create a memorable brand for themselves should at least consider a website name that reflects what they are most known for, so yeah, Traitor Don. I've used that for him for a few years now just as Howie once dubbed him Senor Trumpanzee. But, here's another one: How about COVID-45? Or 500,000Dead.com?
2. But wait, there's so much more! There's also the possibility of branding that's directly tied to Trump's number one mob style business attribute so why not the usual GrifterInChief dot com, or President45ToLife dot com, DTLImpeached2X for com, better yet, why not just a simple PresidentCrimeSpree dot com?
3. Perhaps something that reflects the former president's (He hates being called 'former president') mental condition. In the past, I've used Donnie Psycho but, as he worsens, how about TheDementedDon dot com? Ordinarily, I would be sympathetic and maybe show some compassion, but not in this case. As a fallback, there's always OrangeFacedFreak dot com.
4. Maybe former president Trump would like to make sure he is best remembered for being a social influencer. In that case he should consider things like BlackLivesDon'tMatter dot com, BanTheMuslims dot com, Grab'EmByThePussy dot com, KillAllTheAsians dot com, BanTheTrans dot com, PaintMoreSwaztikasOnSynagogues dot com, or just a simple CampAushwitz.com. These are choices that just about any Republican can apparently embrace and be proud of.
5. There are so many other potential website domain names that all describe the catastrophic presidency of Donald "John Baron" Trump. There's FailedAttemptedCoup dot com, HangTheVP dot com, Mama's#1ProudBoy dot com, KillACopOr2Or3 dot com, KillPelosi dot com, and AmericanTalibanPipebomber dot com. There's even a couple that he could seek corporate sponsorship on such as DrinkTheBleach.com, InjectSomeLysol.com, and even Lindsey Graham's favorite LightBulbUpYourAss dot com.
6. In a way, though, I do like that Trump wants to be known, not as President Trump, but simply as 45 or #45. I think that's a natural, don't you? As in #45 in the list of best presidents ever.
