-by Noah Every year I do a year end review and for some reason, I can't imagine why, I focus the majority of my yearly review on drooling freaks, crackpots, domestic terrorists, and Nazis; or to put it in a single word, republicans. Superficially, it would be simple to think that I do it for the same reason Alfred Chamberlain took pictures of nothing but excrement on the sidewalk and said he did it because "that's all there is." But, to quote one of those pieces of excrement, "That would be wrong." I'm also not so nihilistic. The mountainous pile of available targets showed me the folly of that somewhere in the first year of my life, if not the last few weeks of eavesdropping on the outside world from the safety of my mother's womb.
Every year, this outside world gets worse. It gets more overwhelming but still I persist. I find a way. That said, the title of this year's review is the very apt "Goon-O-Rama." One year, I used a reference to Idiocracy. Another year, it was Hell Bound Train. So why not "GOON-O-RAMA," especially in this year of republicans dripping black goo outside a dildo store like they're a featured performer in an episode of X-Files, Chewbaccas in horns, and re-hatted white supremacist morons smearing their feces on the marbled interior walls of the nation's Capitol Building. Among other things, 2021 was a year of striking visuals and, in a sense, Alfred was correct.
Sooo, how to start this year's review? Which of the many, many freaks should I single out? Stephen Miller and his graphite hair? The mis-shapen Sean Hannity? Camp Auschwitz guy? The orange-faced Diaper Don and whatever that hair substitute thingie on top of his head is? The cloven-hoofed freakazoid from backwoods Georgia named Marjorie Traitor Greene? The Alien Grey double Melania? I can't use Melania since she's all but disappeared, but never say never. The Republican Party is chock full of creatures who possess an inner ugliness that shines through. There are no words! Ah, that's it! Roger Stone!!! Fraternity brother of The Proud Boys! There truly are no words to describe Roger Stone! If you tried, people might think you're as crazy as he is. So, here it is, Part One: Trump aide Roger Stone. Just the pictures will tell the tale.
1. Roger Stone didn't just appear magically. He does have an antecedent:
2. Let's not forget a close current relative, Bert Stone from Sesame Street:
3. When Tod Browning created the film Freaks back in 1932 he may have had a premonition of Roger Stone in mind, or, is it just that Roger Stone looks like The Pinhead. In any event, The Pinhead was a much, much more honorable person:
4. I personally know Dan Aykroyd to be a good man, but Dan as Beldar Conehead bears a resemblance. Perhaps Roger should consider changing his name to Beldar Stone:
5. And, of course, the Roger Stone you can't unsee! He's had a tattoo of Richard "That Would Be Wrong" Nixon on his his back for many decades, but, it would be all too perfect if he now had a Diaper Don tattoo:
I'll leave it right here. Pleasant dreams tonight!