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  • Writer's pictureNoah

GOON-O-RAMA, 2021 In Review, Part 3: GOP Signage: How To Reveal Your Lack Of Functioning Brain Cells

-by Noah

The only thing more expensive than education is ignorance.
- Benjamin Franklin

Nothing says "I am an idiot" or "I am a pathetic a-hole" like putting your ill thought out musings on a sign and posting it in your front yard or carrying it to a public demonstration where it can be broadcast to the world. Some of the most demonstrably intellectually challenged douchebag cockwombles will even chant it out for the cameras like some amateur rap guy. These clowns are so proud of their statements, too! Here are just a few. Remember, these people walk among us; some of them on two legs, I think.

1. Fuck MASKS IM NOT A PUP IT - Not much knowledge of punctuation or spelling here but, damn, If I was a cop, I might feel compelled to pull this pick-up over and ask the driver if it worries about not being able to see out the rear window. But, hell, when did a Republican ever worry about caring about others and being a menace to everyone else on the road?

2. I Know More Than The Scietists - Uh, no, you don't. Not even close. And what's with the Sgt. Schultz get up. At least he said, "I know nothing, nothing! You have to put it on a sign!

3. I Voted For Trump!!! - OK, I get it. You're one of over 70,000,000+ American white supremacists. You may even be closely related to the Sgt. Schultz guy in #2 above, very very closely related. Kudos for sparing no expense to let us know that your goal in life is to bring down local property values.

4. Off With Their Heads - Yeah, Republicans are still telling us that their white supremacist mob that went to Washington to kill Mike Pence, Nancy Pelosi, AOC and anyone else they could get their filthy hands on were just a bunch of tourists. Hey, when you go on vacation somewhere, isn't an "Off With Their Heads" sign the first thing you pack, right along with your Nazi flag variant and tazer stick? And if you go to visit the nation's capital, be sure to pack some bear spray!

5. I Did My Own Research - Speaking of research, this is not really a Republican lawn sign but it might as well be placed on thousands of lawns across the country. Let's just say this was my favorite Halloween lawn display this year for obvious reasons. I didn't ring the doorbell. Just in case.

6. Stop The Steel. Stop The Electric Collage - I once made an electric collage for an art assignment back in the 7th grade. I used bits of foil, copper wire, tinsel, and steel, not "steal." It was all hooked up with little light bulbs of various sizes and colors and I wired it all to a 9 volt dry cell. These days I would never be allowed to bring it into school on account of it may have been mistaken for a bomb of some sort. I got an A, I moved on, and even graduated from a respectable college. I think it's safe to say these two failed to get beyond 5th grade level.

Lastly, a few words about "Let's Go Brandon." Lawn signs and bumper stickers aren't enough for some poor souls. Some people like to wear their idiocy and parade around in it. They'd wear neon signs and electrocute themselves if they could. Right now, Trump's children are doing their best Deliverance imitation and trying to use the RNC's email list to sell "Let's Go Brandon" t-shirts. It's all to grift money from MAGA morons of course and their pitch is even more pathetic than the slogan itself. Don Jr. and Eric can barely compose the texts for their ads. Let's just say their limited command of grammar is on display but we shouldn't have expected anything different. It's total Beavis & Butt-head stuff. Their Russian Bot Buddies would do a better job of it. Yes, some suckers will buy the overpriced slave-made shirts but the slogan didn't have legs and I predict that unsold tonnage of the shirts will end up being airdropped to remote jungle areas of Ecuador by Christian Evangelist groups or maybe the whole Trump family can go to the next hurricane flood ravaged Confederate state and toss them out to the crowd in lieu of paper towel rolls. I won't even bother to show you the shirts. The slogan is also available on bumper stickers and lawn signs, too. Oh, and, of course, I have seen a couple of homemade lawn signs with Brandon spelled with an e and/or Biden spelled wrong. I'll close with an example of that below. It even has a couple of flags (look closely) with it. Looks like it might be located in Flor-i-duh, the state that may be leading in the contest for the "Land Of The Single Digit IQ" title, at least for this month. Imagine that!


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