Gift Ideas For Republicans, 2025 Part 3

The 'Do You Know Any Repugs That Can Read' Edition

by Noah

1. For this installment, it seems only perfect that I should start with the Jonathan Karl "Tired Of Winning" book shown above. I know it's a couple of years old now but as the disease of Trumpism, Republicanism, Nazism, or whatever synonym you wish to choose weighs the American ideal down more than ever, I feel it belongs on this year's gift list. It's horrific that so many people ignored the warning signs delineated in the book, or even that they would need the book in order to see the obvious.

Here's a nice quote about Traitor Don from the book:

"He lacks any shred of human decency, humility or caring. He is morally bankrupt, breathtakingly dishonest, lethally incompetent, and stunningly ignorant of anything related to governing, history, geography, human events or world affairs. He is a traitor and a malignancy in our nation and represents a clear and present danger to democracy and the rule of law."

That's a bit restrained but, in other words, Trump is a classic representation of today's republican. The description above undoubtedly fills the likes of Lindsey Graham, "Ted" Cruz, and JD Vance with envy and the inspiration to top it.

"Tired Of Winning" was a number one bestseller in 2023 but it was never going to be a match for the never ending tsunamis of hate, bigotry, and greed that spew forth from the GOP on a 24 hour basis. It also just happens to be a book that frequently gets "disappeared" from library shelves. I guess it hits too close to home for tiny conservative minds. The book is still available and it's worth reading the descriptions of it on its amazon page and that's a very sadly ironic thing when you consider who (what) owns amazon. The book is also available in audiobook form. That will come in handy since your republican giftee probably can't read.

2. How To Avoid Vaccines And Die Like A Medieval Peasant, by RFK Jr. - I know what you're thinkin'. This book couldn't be real, could it? Well, yeah, it could be real. Just give it time. Meanwhile, consider giving some typical Republican nutter the real book that already exists, ie. the great Cliff Potts take on the subject. Cliff's book is a hilarious satire that skewers the anti-vax cults. It debunks absurd republican "logic" and contains real stories of collective delusion and mass hysteria about the subject that reads like you've woken up in a CPAC convention or suddenly found that your TV only receives FOX, Newsmax, or some whacko Sinclair channel. If your GOP giftee is into leeches, the black death, and prayers that don't work, you need not look any further. Give him or her this book and they can party like it's 1347.

3. Nancy Drew And The mystery Of How Anyone Thought This Orange Fucking Moron Should Be President, by Corlyn Keene - Unfortunately, Carolyn Keene was not a real person. She was a pseudonym for a large consortium of ghostwriters. The real name of the first and primary writer of the books was Mildred Augustine Wirt Benson. She passed away back in 2002 at the age of 96 so we'll never know how she would have felt about Trump and his hive infesting the White House. I like to think she would have gotten around to actually writing this book in the Nancy Drew series. Why not, she was a smart lady. Interesting factoid: The writers of the Nancy Drew books, at least the early ones, were only paid $125 per book. Different times, I suppose, but Mildred also had a nice career as a journalist.

4. Hansi! Lots of people are saying that Hansi is really a code name for Trump's personal Attorney General and Chief Pedo Protector Pam Bondi. Is Bondi Hansi? Or, is Hansi just a stand in for all those blonde Faux News bimbos? I don't know so I will let you decide. After all, I always want to be fair and balanced!