by Noah
Who needs those films from Putin? We already know why so many Republicans worship The Diaper Don, and this edition of the 2022 Gift Ideas For Republikooks addresses one of those reasons. So, if that Republican you know has a gold car, gold walls, gold carpets, gold furniture, even a gold toilet, and a whole house that smells like a New York subway at 5:00am, these gift ideas might just hit the spot!
1. The Lauren Boebert Piss Mug- As I write this, the news has just broken that Boobert is gonna be seated in the next congress come January. That means at least 4 things are for sure: 1) Hominids in Colorado (and elsewhere) can function enough to go vote, even with a very low level of 5 brain cells or less, 2) The more circus clowns the GOP has in Congress, the better they feel. 3) Any bowling alley in her home district should require an ID and have a XXX rating whenever Lauren's husband is seen leaving home with his bowling bag, and, 4) The people in charge of the furnishings on the House floor don't have to get her chair reupholstered. Why bother? And, are you looking forward to her Christmas card this year? After all, last year's card was such a big hit, a homage to future mass shooters everywhere.
2. Pe-Pe The Naughty Boy! (As seen above!) That's President Pe-Pe The Naughty Boy To You! Or so says The Diaper Don! Sure you can give a Republikook a Replica Hunter Biden Laptop™ by Putin Toys™ but what Republican wouldn't cherish and caress one of these to honor the man who made "Golden Showers" his middle name, along with "Mushroom Boy" (Also as seen above), and "Orange Menace To Society," just to name a few. Order quickly. Pe-Pe The Naughty Boy just might become this year's "Tickle Me Elmo!" Or is it "Tickle Me Elon?"
But wait, there's more! How you gonna dress up President Pe-Pe The Naugty Boy. May I suggest...
3. The "Make Your Own Autocrat" Kit - That Republican nutjob you know will love this one, especially now that the idol of the 74,000,000 Trump voters know that their Jesus of Nazism is running again! Your Republican loon can balance the fully assembled product on top of their TV screen while they watch FOX "News" sing the praises of Vladimir Putin and Viktor Orban and pine away for the good old days of Caligula.
4. A nice Trump T-Shirt - Yep, goes with that Trump dress that Marjorie Traitor Greene has made such a hit in nazi world! (See Pt. 1 of this series) Your goonish republican acquaintances will definitely want to slip this on while they play with #2 and #3 above and drink a toast with (of) #1. The shirt comes with a special commemorative Supreme Court wire coat hanger to hang it up on. T-Shirt and coat hanger both also available separately online. And, Camp Auschwitz sweatshirts are still available! Just tell your Republican friends to go to the office of any republican member of the House of Representatives and whisper the magic word- Reichstag!
5. The GOP Urine Drinker Flag! Goes perfectly with all the above! Remember when Republicans started telling each other that drinking their own urine was more effective at fighting COVID than vaccines or even injecting Lysol or Clorox, or even sticking light bulbs up your butt? Don't forget that those Trump goons sure do love their flags! That Republican in your life will happily drive down the highway displaying 9 or 10 of these in his truck or in his front yard for all to see what he's about!
Don't worry, I'll have a nicer list of suggestions next time, Maaaybee!