-by Noah
It's that most wonderful time of the year again! Black Friday is nearly upon us and I know that you'll be wanting to get that Russia-loving, coup-planning, racist, anti-Semitic Republican kook in your family something really meaningful, something you know they'll appreciate bigly. So, as always, you can count on DownWithTyranny to give you some cool ideas for just the right gift this side of a spring loaded bear trap. Frankly, though, I don't understand why you haven't disowned all your Republican friends and relatives by now. What else are those big heavy plastic drums that you can buy at Lowes and fill full of liquid lye for anyway? Who the hell wants people like that in their lives? Not me!!!
So, without further ado, here beginneth the DownWithTyranny "Gift Ideas For Republikooks!" series for 2022:
1. Pillow Guy Prison Slippers- (See above) Leave it to Pillow Guy Mike Lindell to make a classic GOP fashion statement! If we had a real justice system that sent traitors to jail, he'd be able to make a mint selling them! Don't leave the cell without a pair! Available in a full assortment of orange! Pillow not included.
And, if you know some idiot who's found Jesus or some guy who calls himself Jesus in jail...
2. Jesus Harvest Seeds! With a scripture on every wrapper! How cool is that? Although, my version would have Satanic incantations. Might as well try that since Jesus never answers the bell! My wife found these a couple of months ago and I instantly turned them into one of my "Sunday Thoughts" posts back on Halloween weekend. Be sure to click on the link and check out Matt Gaetz and his Candy Van. Go ahead. Plant some seeds. Attract some rats.
3. MTG-QAnon Tips, Extra Long™! Yes! They really work! Perfect for those Republican Flo-Thru Craniums™! Try 'em out on that crazy Republican uncle at your next, and last, Christmas get together! Sorry, the MTG-QAnon Suppositories™ are no longer available. Supply chain issues.
4. Speaking of Marjorie Traitor Greene, how about Marjorie Traitor Greene's Trump Dress! by Trump Traitor Wear™. Yes, that very dress. Our research department tells us that Lindsey Graham has one and now you can have one, too, for the special repug in your life! MTG has dozens of them and reports are that she's left them all over the place, especially on gym floors and the monkey cages at the Washington Zoo where she practices her shit throwing technique with her closest relatives! Now, your friends at DownWithTyranny have put on their hazmat suits and assiduously collected them all! And, you can special order them! All you have to do is figure out our special sale code! There's even a tutu version as seen on Sean Hannity and Moscow Mitch at recent Russian Consulate parties. And, don't worry, every one of these Marjorie Traitor Greene Trump dresses is certified unwashed! That's a bigly selling point to every republican!
*Trump Slit-Crotch Panties™ sold separately. Place your order today at the congressional office of Rep. Matt Gaetz- 202-225-4136. Operators are standing by!
5. Golden Handcuffs by Trump™ - Yep, you've dreamed about them, and here they are! Face it! you know you'd like to slap these on some traitor you know! Now's your chance! Why wait the seemingly endless wait for the so-called authorities to do it? Hey, just be like the republicans and say God told you to do it! Right? Who ya gonna call? So, why not buy a pair today!
Tell them you went to Jared! Comes with a nice little booklet of suggested safe words for the giftee that you can feel free to ignore!
6. A Pair Of Boots From The Ron DeSantis Collection! Don't Say Gay!!! The Nazi Governor of Flor-i-duh is the people's choice down there so Flor-i-duh might as well be sawed off and shipped down to South America at this point. May I suggest to Guyana to meet up with the ghost of Jim Jones? Flor-i-duh is a lost cause in more ways than one. It's also a disease which, ideally will run its virulent course muy pronto for the good of the Earth. Pictured is just one of the boot selections designed and worn by Flor-i-duh's racist, homophobic cretin. More can be seen here.
7. Lastly for today, how about a nice, cold steel Republican "Dick" Gun? We all know Republicans are just lost without a gun in their hands and once they have it there will be only one way to get it out of their hands. Help them out! Be generous of spirit! They'll love one, especially if you whisper the magic words "Russian Roulette." That'll get their interest and you can teach them how to play! Bullets not included.
That's it for today! Plenty more to come. Don't forget to check back!