by Noah
Happy Thanksgiving?
I really don't like parades. They bore me. Maybe it's that I see the whole world as an endless parade of chimps, assholes, and morons, and any other parade can't fail but remind me of the larger parade. If I want to escape reality, I have other means.
But the parade in the picture is a Macy's Thanksgiving parade I'd love to see. Maybe we'll have parades again instead of all of these Republican-endorsed funeral processions to the cemetery but, for now, all we can do is plan. A Rudy Whacking Off balloon is a natural, right up there with the Trump Baby Balloon. I also suggest one with Pence with a huge fly laying eggs in his hair, and a big purple Moscow Mitch balloon with him waving a Russian flag. I'll leave the Lindsey Graham balloon up to your imagination.
One last ask: When Rudy Giuliani finally does the universe a favor and dies, ideally while fucking a goat, I want to direct his funeral. He should be laid out in an open casket with his hand in his pants, bug-eyed, black dye running down his face, sweat steadily dripping into a bucket right under the coffin. Amplification for the drip, drip, drip.
And of course, this clip should be included on a jumbotron above the coffin, playing his greatest hits in an endless loop -