by Noah Wow! Trump Nazi Tucker Tiki Torch Carlson's candy has left the rapper and that rapper's blowing accross the parking lot in a gale. It ain't comin' back nohow! It's headed to the river and out to sea! You see, Mr. Tucker Tiki Torch has a problem with M&Ms now. It seems he's been nursing some sort of erotic adoration for the little round chocolate candies. Who knew? I mean people have all sorts of things that arouse them sexually, but bags of chocolate candies? Doesn't that get a little messy? His knickers are all in a twist over how the Mars Candy company is now dressing their cartoon character M&Ms. You know how some guys like their sex partners dressed just one way? I've heard of nurse fantasies, cop fantasies, and all sorts of things. Whatever. But, I guess Tucker likes his women dressed up as big round M&Ms! Now Mars goes and makes some changes and Tucker's so very unhappy! Like any conservative, he wants things "just so" and Tucker's got his Trump Nazi viewers all worked up about it all, too. Here's Tucker. He's pissed! M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity… But wait, there's more! You know how M&Ms come in a diverse assortment of colors? That alone is enough to drive anyone at FOX "News" nuts. It's telling that Tucker has problems with all of them thar colored M&M characters. He has an issue with the orange guy ditching what he labeled "sexy boots" but say no more about that! Most notably, though it's the female M&M characters Tucker is whining and moaning about, and guess which M&Ms cartoon character has drawn out the most ire from TV's #1 rated Nazi. That's right, it's the brown one! It's always the brown ones with Tucker, isn't it. He doesn't like Ms. Brown's new kitten heels. She used to wear his preferred stilettos. Jeez, that's the way it goes, Tucker. Women change their shoes! All the damn time!!! Tucker, I hear Ms. Brown gave her stilettos to Lindsey Graham. Go talk to him about it.
