Midnight Meme Of The Day! Trump Declares Himself Pope!!!

by Noah

Even before Pope Francis kicked the bucket, I knew this would happen and you did, too. You just have to tune yourself to American life 2025. It's so like Trump. I even bet he wanted to officially declare himself God and had to be talked out of it, at least temporarily. Here's the official announcement from White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt!

Dateline Washington:

With a wisp of white smoke from the third floor window of Don, Jr.'s White House playroom, the White House announced today that President Trump has now announced himself as the new Pope. Explaining that once he was officially declared the Pope, no one will ever have to be declared Pope again, he will henceforward be known as Pope Donald The Last, saying, "For I am the be all and end all!!"

The new Pope has also decreed that Vatican City will be repurposed as a combination golf course and party center replete with Top Secret document floor tiles and wallpaper, "Epstein Rooms" and  24hr. Botox availability. Here's what our beloved Pope Donald had to say:

"No one does Poping like me. That I can tell you. I will go down in history as the greatest pope ever. Sleepy Joe couldn't do this. Jimmy Carter couldn't do this. He was a terrible president and FDR took over three terms to end World War II and I would have ended it in one day! Believe me! And with free German lessons for all! And, now that I'm Pope For Life, I will be selling special Pope Donald Bible commemorative editions and Indulgences that will make your head spin. They will be the best indulgences, pieces of the true cross like you've never seen, even better than the ones Elon says they have on Mars. Obama never offered anyone pieces of the true cross, but I will, wrapped in gold foil, too! And to really mark this great day in world history, I will be offering all my great MAGA disciples my brand new Trump-Jesus Meme Coins™ with me on the head and Jesus on the tail. Either way you win but with me you win more! Better act now! Available in sets of 30!!!

Sure I made up all the above, or did I? We're really just a fraction of an inch away from this becoming totally true. The way I see it, we are living in several alternate universes all at the same time, and they're all fighting for dominance. Which one will win? That's up to you.

Addendum: And speaking of alternate universes, Georgia Rep. Marjorie Traitor Greene had this to say after news of the death of Pope Francis broke, "Today there were major shifts in global leaderships. Evil is being defeated by the hand of God."