by Noah
The new face of the Republican Party! Just in time for the holidays! Who else could it be but Kyle Rittenhouse crying bullet tears, the new object of Republican hero worship everywhere!
How long he will be the face of American Nazihood is yet to be determined. Will he get that job as congressional intern that Repug congresscretins are talking about? How long before the RNC drafts him to run for a seat in the House all by himself? Will he tour around the country speaking about gun rights to standing ovations? Will he be made a Grand Wizard of the KKK? You gotta know that some total jackass like Republican Chairwoman Rona Romney McDaniel will want him as a keynote speaker for the 2024 RNC convention, carrying his gun of course. Hell, right now, if he was old enough, they'd nominate him for the highest office in the land.
Or, will Rittenhouse just crash and burn, a victim of his own celebrity, lying crumpled on the ground, incoherently whimpering in a pool of alcohol. Anyone got a match?