by Noah
The nihilism of Republicans knows no bounds. Sending kids off to their schools unprotected is just the latest proof of that. Soon, the GOP will "codify" their strategy towards America's kids. Not that we didn't already know from their inaction after things like Columbine, Newtown, and Parkland.
But, I'll just save the alleged pro-lifers some time. Here's what the next Republican Party platform will have to offer children:
1. Unmask Our Kids!
2. Bring Back Lead Paint!
3. No More Of Those Awful Child Car Seats!
4. Bring Back Second Hand Smoke!
5. Seat Belts Are Repression.
6. Bike Helmets Are Mind Control!
7. No More Socialist Amber Alerts! Kids Should Find Their Own Way Home!
8. 911 Is Also Nanny State Socialism. Do Not Teach Your Child To Dial It!
9. Underage Drinking Is Freedom! Start 'Em Young!
Well, that's quite a 9-Point Plan. As for me, I aim to do my part. I'm no longer obeying stoplights. It's about my freedoms! Stoplights (and stop signs) are the big bad government's way of trying to tell me what to do with my own car! Trump will support me on this! Next thing you know, they'll try to force me to get it inspected! Not one of my dogs is vaccinated for rabies! Deal with it!!!