by Noah Damn, if Texas voters had any brains, any brains at all, we might never have heard "Ted Cruz's name.* If "Ted" Cruz had any brains, he would have left Tucker Carlson's nightly romper room TV freakshow after his latest humiliation and fled back to Cancun by now to lick his wounds after further exposing his true self on national TV. That he hasn't is proof positive that creepy ol' "Ted" really, really loves to be humiliated. I bet he's screaming at his staff to get him on "Ow, My Balls" from Idiocracy. "Ted" Cruz is the ultimate "Please sir, can I have another" guy! He ate the shit when Traitor Don said his wife was ugly. He ate the shit when Traitor Don said his father helped kill JFK in the streets of Dallas. But that wasn't enough for "Ted." No, he saw a chance for a very public whipping and went for it! "Ted" has topped the Pillow Guy, the Kraken Lady, and Rudy! I have a feeling that we're gonna see a "Ted" Cruz pee tape long before we see Trump's. Not only that but "Ted" will beg Tucker Carlson to have him on so he can show it and then he'll sell yellow t-shirts and copies of it on scratch 'n' sniff DVDs to raise money for his next campaign for president. This guy is g-o-n-e! Jeez, we thought no one could be as bad as Rudy, Mitch, Lindsey, and Newt, but when it comes to stripping naked and covering yourself with shit, well, ladies and gents, we have a new Chaaam-Peen! USA! USA! USA! Come to think of it, it's obvious why he said nothing in his wife's defense. Hell, other than the fact that she's a republican, she's not ugly at all and so what if she is. No, I think it's obvious that he craved some abuse from her just like the kind he got from his wacko father. I bet she's happy to give it, too! I bet she slapped him around real good. I know I would. Half of this damn country would and they'd pay for the chance! Let's hold a lottery. He'll love it and so will we! Pay-Per-View!!!! Seriously though, this total ass clown wants to be president! Think about this: If he'd so easily and eagerly grovel for Tucker Tiki Torch, just imagine him doing at least the same for Vlad Putin, Kim Jong-un or any and all world leaders. He'd beg Angela Merkel to come out of retirement and he'd put on a black leather mask with a zipper mouth and "MAGA" on the forehead for her! *Forget it. Texans enjoy being embarrassed! How else can you explain Greg Abbott, Dan Patrick, Joel Osteen, Louie Gohmert, John Cornyn, "Ted" Cruz... The list is endless and they're obviously proud of it.