• Noah

Midnight Meme Of The Day! Florida Darwin Award Contest!

by Noah

I remember seeing pictures last week of greedy assclown gas hoarders filling up piles of gas cans, tubs (with tops and without), buckets, and god knows what else and stuffing them all in their cars. It looked like one of the larger Darwin Award contests that I'd ever seen, at least since Election Day.

Watching clips of these fools pull away from the gas station to the sound of sloshing gas was a head-shaking thing to behold. I found myself making a mental 10, 9, 8, rocket countdown, wondering how many of them would make it home. Man, just the amount of gas fumes in their cars was enough to put the risk extremely high. Some idiots had as many as 20 or 30 very large plastic gas cans piled in the back. It was "Turn Your Car Into A Bomb On Wheels" time. I figured just turning the key in the ignition would be enough to send some idiot to kingdom come.

Sure enough, by Friday, we started getting reports of cars blowing up on the highway. Yep, you can turn any car into a 1970s Ford Pinto! Rapture on Wheels! I wondered how many of these morons had refused to get vaccinated "because it's not safe." Well, far be for me to be insensitive, judgmental, or cynical but if they blew up, well, all the better. I just hope they didn't hurt anyone who didn't deserve such a fiery fate.

The picture of the burned out 2004 Hummer H2 (Courtesy of the Citrus County Chronicle) in tonight's meme is not from Iraq or Afghanistan. It's from some place even worse, a place called Flor-i-duh. As soon as I knew that, I thought "Too bad it wasn't in one of those moronic Trump car parades." Who knows, maybe it was! Anything's possible down in the "Single Digit IQ State." Oh, and notice that the gas station is just a few yards away in the background. Kaboom, y'all!