I don't know where to begin with Florida. I used to enjoy going there but that was when the water in Clearwater was actually clear and you could visit tracts of endless beaches and hardly see another soul on a Sunday morning. You could drive on two-lane blacktops to get there, too. Then the rampant, corruption-bred overdevelopment infested the place and left it with views of endless abandoned mini-malls and tumbleweed parking lots that cry out for sinkholes to end their misery.
The last time I visited Florida was 20 years ago. I spent some time in a god-forsaken hellhole called Ocala where the water coming out of the taps burned your skin and literally smelled of sulphur. Yes, how apt! It truly was Hell. Even an 8-foot serpent hung out in the flowerless window box where I was staying. Lovely view. I saw Orlando, too. My god! People actually live there!!! People even pay to go there! On a vacation!!! Whole "amusement" parks that amount to the most grotesquely horrifying "fun houses" you could ever imagine. Only, it's for real! Who needs a stay in Flor-i-duh when you can spend a safer, healthier night in a certain house in Amityville, Long Island?
But, sad to say, none of the Flor-i-duh that I have personally subjected myself to in the past, was viewed as horrific enough to those who have made Flor-i-duh what it is today! On top of everything else, the endless sinkholes, the sulphuric water, the backyard 20-foot Burmese pythons, the seemingly endless trains of Cat-4 hurricanes, etc., etc., they just couldn't pass up a chance to burn their masks and spread COVID-19 to such an extent that it would develop its own variants, each more deadly than the one before. Way to go, Flor-i-duh! Thanks Republicans! Thanks, sooooo much!!!!! Thank you for giving us Ron DeSantis, the Josef Mengele of governors! Who knows whatever medical experiments he and his Nazi supporters have in mind as they fight what they dismiss as "the Libtard Bio-Medical Security State" that seeks to save their lives. Thanks sooo much Flor-i-duh for electing Ron DeathSantis, this Johnny Applessed of COVID-19. Thank you soooo much for being a vile petri dish of a state that is now incubating and exporting new MAGA Variant plagues by the planeload! Fuck you idiots! May the next and last sound you hear be the roar of a statewide sinkhole of sand, palm trees, and excruciatingly bad architecture being sucked down on a quick journey to the center of the Earth... Not that I would wish anything bad upon Floridians, of course. That would be a waste of wishes because how could I possibly top what they're already doing to themselves. Florida, you are your own asteroid!!! Say goodnight!