by Noah
How I imagine it went down:
Russia, if you're listening, you can find some of our Top Secret documents down at the D.C. Water Treatment Plant on O Street and dry them out but I've kept the stuff you really want in the caddy shack at Mar-a-Lago. No one looked there. Suggest you go there after dark. My security will protect you from the alligators. The dishevelled creepy guy with the wet nose there is my son Don Jr. Just hand the cash to him. Don't worry about the rolled up documents that have the white powder all over them. My controller Vlad will still find them useful, at least that's what my friends Mark, Mitch, and Roger say.
My god, no wonder Trump spent so much time complaining that you have to flush a toilet ten or fifteen times now. Can't you just see him and hear him in full frustration mode as he keeps flushing and flushing to get those notes and files on their way to the sewers of Washington? Here he is 13 months ago, one of numerous times, in a report from NBC News, expressing one of his toilet issues:
"Ten times, right, 10 times," Trump continued, referring to the number of flushes he claimed were sometimes required because of water-saving federal regulations. "Not me, of course not me. But you," he added while pointing to a random audience member.
Yeah, of course, not you, Donnie.
At the time, we knew Trump had mental issues but we didn't know just what had set Donnie Toilet Prez off but now we do. We knew he was a traitor hell bent on flushing America down the toilet once and for all but apparently he was even literally flushing Top Secret documents and clogging his White House toilets! And, he was chewing some of them first! Did he swallow them or just spit them into the bowl? You really think this is not a case of presidential toilet training issues? Think of this: The White House has 28 fireplaces! You can look it up. The Diaper Don could have burned the documents a lot easier, but Toilet Prez was fixated on his golden toilet bowl. Imagine what the new Biden administration found when they came in. Was Biden's first executive order a plea to order brand new carpeting and open all the windows pronto? I can just see Biden walking into the White House and saying, "What in God's name is that smell?"
What a White House!!! For all we know, Jared was flushing Khashoggi's body parts, too. That is unless he and Ivanka were making soup and hamberders for dad in the kitchen. Is this a Trump thing in general? Is it part of the MAGA training when you sign up to try an attempted coup? No wonder all those red-hatted Republican nutballs were smearing their feces on the walls and peeing in the corners in the Capitol Building. They, along with their congressional republican mentors had quickly clogged up the toilets with whatever they couldn't carry after looting the offices. OMG! What a bunch of out and out total freaks! Don't say I never told ya! Now that we know Republicans are against vaccines, we now have to ask: Are republicans against the idea of toilet training, too?
Addendum: If I was high up in the DOJ, I'd be looking for those notes the interpreters took at the Helsinki meeting with Putin and the meeting with Kim Jong-un, too. But, alas, I chose a different career path. This is now akin to the clownish pantomime investigations of the JFK murder. As far as I know, the interpreters haven't even been asked to testify in front of the House investigations committee but, hey, when have these dog and pony shows ever dug too deeply? Go ahead guys, please prove me wrong and make my day. I know you can do it.