I know you're always watching so I'm sure you've always been aware of how my friends marvel at my intense martial arts training. When some say it's an OCD thing, I've always said "Hey, every man needs a hobby," but, all along, I've known it was all part of your plan, your glorious plan for me and the world. You and I both know that no man should waste his talents. In my case, what a terrible thing it would be to not make good use of my three black belts! All that sweat! All those bruises! And now I am a whirling dervish of potential retribution!
So now the time has come! Help me do your work oh Lord!!! I'm seeking a religious exemption! I have heard your voice in my head, so many times! I know what you want me to do but there seem to be silly, unconstitutional mandates that prevent me from carrying out the mission you have chosen for me! I know that you want me to kick Republican ass. I know you want me to kick every Republican ass I can find! I am your humble servant, ready to do God's work! My hands, feet, knees, and elbows are ready to wreak havoc in thy name! So many Republicans want to spread the Devil's disease of COVID by not getting the vaccine and not wearing masks. So, please oh Lord, grant me a judge who will proclaim the religious exemption that I need! I know I need to stop them! All my training is for that goal! Turn me loose, oh Lord! And thy will will be done!
Thank you so much for choosing me. Yes, I will always be your chosen one. I will always do your work. Is that not what exemptions are all about?
Again, your humble servant,
PS. Have you, oh Lord, ever considered setting up storefront walk-in religious exemption centers? Think of the convenience! Any of your followers could just go in and choose from a long menu of exemptions! New ones added daily!