The 2024 DownWithTyranny Gift Suggestions For Republicans, Pt.4

A Gift For The Repug That Already Has Everything?

by Noah

You'll notice by now that I haven't suggested that you give any Republicans you know any Nazi armbands, Swastika flags, long red ties, or KKK outfits. The reason is simple: Why give them something they probably already have? No, in my opinion, the holidays are a time to be more imaginative! Give them something you'd never see in a Samuel Alito lawn display or Harlan Crow's famous Hitler Garden! You know, something a little more subtle. No, not a new Muskmobile Cybertruck. Too expensive and even uglier, especially with that paint job as shown above. Something more like the first two items here.

1. I started Part 1 of this series with a genuine Ivermectin ad that I found at a prominent Republican "news" site and I started Part 3 of the series with the "I Can't Believe It's Not Hitler" butter suggestion, so why not this stool eating deterrent product. Afterall, 70,000,000 or so Republicans love eating Traitor Trump's shit and, unknown to them, will be eating it by the ton very soon, so why not this? It seems all too appropriate to wrap it up and give it to any Republican you know. I mean, come on. they take Ivermectin horse paste and drink their own urine because they "think" those are cures for COVID, so I think it's safe to assume they eat their own shit, too, no? Given that, it seems that it would be easy to convince any and all of them that this Coprophagia stuff will not just (maybe) help them with their shit eating problem, it will also cure COVID. Tell them it has some interesting positive side effects too! Tell them it will help them lose weight and cure any E.D. issues they may have. Tell them it burns fat and grows hair, too! Give 'em this! They'll believe anything! It's a lot safer than drinking or injecting bleach.

2. The Melania Trump Home Crematorium by Amazon Basics! Did you buy one yet? Come on, buy one and put a smile on Melania's face for maybe the first time in her life ever! If ever there was a gift that was perfect for right now, this is it. From your thoughts and prayers to a god that listens, if there is such a thing, which there apparently isn't. What's that you say? You say that once the old toad croaks his last Trump will just be replaced by someone almost as bad? Well, yeah, that's a given but almost is a relative term and surely whatever company makes these nifty home crematoriums can make more. Damn, I hope it's an American company. You know, buy American and all that! Oh, and when the happy day comes for Melania and the rest of us, I'm sure she'll need to add something to the urn in order to offset the peculiar smell of her traitor husband's ashes. May I suggest that, along with the home crematorium, not just Melania but every republican, be given a large can of floor varnish and instructions for them to breathe deep, very deep, with all the doors and windows closed. I call it "Inhaled Intervention." 

3. Maybe your Repug giftee sent their money to Trump for a pair of those oh so tacky gold sneakers a while back and still thinks they will arrive someday. Yeah, they voted for Trump anyway, if only because he fits their definition of American manhood, but you might want to hip them to a pair of Ron DeSantis Q-Boots. Why not? He's from the same Hellhole Flor-i-duh as Traitor Don, wants to be a Nazi dictator, hates Disney and M&Ms, and, given the chance, will burn every library to the ground just to be a hero to Republican voters everywhere. Now that we know that both DeSantis and Trump have lifts in their shoes, maybe the GOP will be bringing back 9-inch platform boots ala KISS any day now. I can't wait to see sicko Nazi goofballs like DeSantis, Cruz, and Marjorie Traitor Greene stumbling around and painting their faces like KISS, too. Break a neck!

4. And, speaking of "Ted" Cruz, have you considered giving the gift that "Ted" himself devised for his pal Diaper Don? Won't that special Republican you know love to have the same bodywash that his loaded diaper idol uses? It's a no-brainer! Sorry, hose not included.  

5. And finally for today, how about the Trump T-Shirt that Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell wear to bed every night! It's the Trump "Fist. Fist. Fist" shirt! Yes, that's right. It's inspired by the shooting in Pennsylvania where Trump raised his fist in the air (See the header meme) and allegedly screamed "Fight. Fight. Fight!" But, did he? Was that exactly what he yelled out? I bet Lindsey and Mitchie heard something different. Alas, there's no recording anyway. Does the shirt come with a harness? Hell if I know, but, I bet the two guys I just mentioned have a harness in every room!

Addendum: The world of politics is populated by those who love to eat shit. It's built on shit eating. Perhaps, you might want to send a few thousand containers of that first item above  to every politician on your list, no matter the party affiliation, of course.