by Noah
Paranoia strikes deep. Into your life it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid. Step of line, the men come and take you away.
-from "For What It's Worth" by Stephen Stills of Buffalo Springfield
Tucker Carlson's paranoid on-air statement on Monday night about the NSA following his every move may be a result of more than just his idiocy. After years of observing Carlson's Tokyo Rose-styled incessant verbal war against every positive ideal the United State Of America purportedly stands for, I can't help but construe that Tucker Tiki Torch's statement might be an inadvertent admission that, yes, he is indeed working on behalf of a foreign power. I mean, surely, he knows that the NSA is chartered to keep an eye on only foreign intelligence operatives, right? So why else would the NSA be tracking him? There is no emergency court order that allows for Tucker to be investigated by the NSA even though, in reality, there probably should be. Does this fearful little rodent man fear they might be on to him?
The jig is up Tucker! Time to pack your bag and skedaddle! Dye your hair, put on a fake mustache and head for the airport. Aeroflot is saving a seat in First Class for you! Plenty of Beluga Caviar in your future for a job well done! You've come a long way since your days as a pole dancer!