Damn! And here all these years I thought GOD always knew exactly what I was thinking at any given point of the day! Jeez! That's what they told me as a child! He knew who was naughty and who was nice... or was that some other old non-existent geezer with a long white beard?
It never occurred to me that, if I just silently said my prayers to myself that he'd never hear me! At last! Now I know why the world is such a goddamned clusterphuck! He never heard me! Never heard my pleas for world peace and the end of cancer! I might as well have been wearing masks all my life! If only I had screamed my prayers from the roodtops like some fucking lunatic! Hand me the bullhorn!
Thank you for letting me know, Mr. Jim Bakker! I'm sure you're right as always. I can see the brilliance in your eyes! Every republican I know says so. Thank you! You are truly GOD's angel! Now that I know GOD needs to actually hear me, I will recite the following in a loud voice every night before I go to bed. I encourage all of you readers to go to your windows and do the same! Here goes:
Please put a miserable end to Donald J. Trump, his entire genepool, his inner circle, his outer circle, all of his Nazi support groups, including Cruz, Hawley and rest of the Republican U.S $enators who voted not to remove him from office on February 5, 2020. I'm sure, Mr. GOD, that you consider my list to already be too long but, if you are truly a merciful GOD, please do it and, next week, could I send you an additional list of U.S. House members, Republican state legislators who are working to turn this country into a full blown Nazi dictatorship, plus some far right media goons at FOX, AON, Newsmax, and even those rightwingers at CNN who deserve mighty horrible demises at your hands? Can I also include the insufferable Chuck Todd at MSNBC as well? This doesn't have to be all at once of course. I know that's a lot to ask. I also know you could be very creative in how you make it all come about. I mean, pillar of salt! Who else comes up with that? You are one supremo smitemaster! Reviving the ol' pillar of salt thing could have terrific entertainment value! Think about it! Be your old Old Testament self! Dare I say, Pay-Per-View? And, if I may be so humble... I would certainly be glad to help you come up with some ideas! When it comes to doing GOD's work, let's just say I have real potential! I'm not like those other maniacs! At least, let's make a start! I could add a ton more names and ideas later but I know you are a busy GOD. Hey, sometimes it pays just to get going! C'mon! My namesake built that boat for you! Hey, maybe I could build you a new ark and fill it with all the republicans I mentioned above and let the Delta (MAGA) Variant do what it does! We both know cruises are great petri dishes. We could call it The Delta Cruise! Watch all those flat-earthers sail right over the edge to nowhere! Easy-Peasy! No muss. No fuss. No Republicans!
Thanks GOD. You're the best!
Your humble servant,