A few words on religion from a man who would have been a better president, priest, pastor, or pope than what we invariably end up with. Ladies and Gents, four key verses from the Gospel of George Carlin!
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really really tried. I tried to believe that there is a god who created each one of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize...something is F--KED UP. Something is WRONG here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is wrong. This is NOT good work. If this is the best you can do, I am NOT impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude, And just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago.
You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons: first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Peci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. Four years, I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit.