by Noah
I haven't been to Flor-i-duh in about 15 years. I have no plans to go back. After all, I am a rational man. It used to be a nice place but now it's like some secret social and environmental experiments have gone way too wrong. It's not just the physical mess of the place, it's the people. Have they been taken over by invaders from outer space? This has gone way beyond gaping sinkholes, giant Burmese pythons, and an endless parade of Beavis and Butt-head politicians like Ron DeSantis and Matt Gaetz.
How do we explain the people that get elected there? Sure, you can say that about most places but Flor-i-duh continually breaks new ground in stupidity, bizarreness and gross personality disorders when it comes to both their voters and their politcians. Is it something in the water, or, is it something more sinister? We thought "Jeb" Bush was bad enough but people who would vote for aliens like Ron deSatan and Flor-i-duh Man Matt have clearly been subjected to some sort of brain-warping ray like we might see in a 1955 science fiction movie. Think not? They're still having Trump boat parades there and now they think both of the mutants I just mentioned belong in the White House. This island Earth is doomed and Flor-i-duh is leading the way. Think of Florida as a gangrenous foot. It needs to be amputated pronto.