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Midnight Meme Of The Day! A One Star Review For Texas!

by Noah

I can't leave Texas alone, and really, why should I? Why should anyone who wants to live in the 21st century? Texas isn't all bad. It has, for one thing, given us good food and a lot of fine music, from Roy Orbison, Buddy Holly, Willie Nelson, the Thirteenth Floor Elevators and Janis Joplin to Tish Hinojosa, Ry Cooder, Taj Mahal, Joe "King" Carrasco, and a seemingly infinite number of first rate legendary blues, jazz, and garage artists, but that doesn't mean it's not the worst state in the entire country and it's obvious that it wants the title. Too bad for them that Flor-i-duh and Mississippi are in the way, but Texas tries and it may yet succeed if it doesn't first secede, which would at least mean we wouldn't have to put up with the likes of "Ted" Cruz any more. That's short-sighted though and I wouldn't want to be deprived of some possible future where "Ted" is sent packing by the slowly growing tide of Texas voters who finally decide that they've had enough and he is an embarrassment they no longer wish to suffer. Dream on!

In the meantime, though, Texans have made it clear that they wish to elect politicians who will provide the state with an image that really can be best described as "The Handmaid's Tale meets The Taliban" and a total embarrassment to humanity. I know the competition among the nut states is serious but Texans just plain seem to work harder at it than any other state. Hence, the aforementioned Cancun Cruz, plus a virtually endless list of shame headed by Greg Abbott, Dan Patrick, Louie Gohmert Pyle, and, of course, John Cornyn. The latter always gets forgotten when the lengthy lists of Texas morons are composed. Not by me!

Oh and by the way, the mere existence of Joel Osteen and stone crazy Jerry Jones make up for all that great Texas barbecue. Book burners, snake handlers, anti-choice nazi hypocrites, and know nothing power grid sadists? To hell with all of them; every single one. Take 'em all out to the desert and bury them up to their heads in the sand. Make sure they're facing the sun and stuff a salt-soaked sponge in their idiot mouths for refreshment. It's a ritual called "serving the salt" from a favorite movie of mine. I'll let you "do your own research" as to its title.

Now, about that one star! How does a state like Texas get one star when it deserves none? Well, it's just like all those surveys some idiot company sends you after you've had some sort, any sort, of dealing with them. You have to pick one, two, three, four or five stars. So many many times I want that "no star at all" option. Alas, those surveys never let you fully express yourself. They just can't handle the truth.

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