by Noah
We've just had The Grammy Awards last weekend and The Motion Picture Academy usually gives out its Academy Awards in early March but, this year, the nominations didn't even get announced until this past Monday. Those who care about who wins will have to wait until April 25th to see who gets the Oscar statues. We at DWT abhor a vacuum so why not, while we wait to see who the winners are, at least give some Republicans, Repugs, Republikooks, and others who travel in Domestic Terrorism circles some nominations for some nice golden Trumpy Awards for their on-going role in arguably the biggest shitshow in our nation's history? As to be expected in Republican contests, the competition in the science fiction, horror and spy/treason categories was fierce. As the meme above says, there is no end to those who should at least be nominated. I can envision a lot of nominees getting awards. Here are our predictions of the winners:
1. Lindsey Graham as himself for Most Obsequious Performance in the all male porn flick, "Boys In The Cloakroom!" Sorry, Marco Rubio. Maybe next year.
2. House Republican Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy: Best Actor for his role in the medical drama, "Spineless."
3. Rush Limbaugh, Best Supporting Actor for his posthumous performance as Ernie in "Weekend At CPAC."
4. Best Performance In Horror goes to Rudy Giuliani as himself in the box office smash "Four Seasons Landscaping!" as he beats out Melania Trump's amazing performance in "Dead Eyes." Sorry Melania, that ripping up the Rose Garden scene was great but you couldn't beat Rudy's drip scene. That's an all-time classic.
5. Donnie Trump Jr. is sure to win Most Pathetic Performance for his role in "Drugs Didn't Hurt Me A Bit." Well, yes, they have, Jr., by a lot. The runner up will be Postmaster General Louis DeJoy for his performance in "The Postman Never Rings At All."
6. Kimberly Tinfoil gets a Best Supporting Actress in "Drugs Didn't Hurt Me A Bit." She proves once and for all that clinical insanity and pharmaceutical cocaine can be a really bad combo. Sorry Ron Johnson, your role as a gibberish-speaking white supremacist in "Mr. Tinfoil Hat Goes To Washington" was great but you just didn't measure up to Kimberly's unholy intensity.
7. Ivanka Trump garners the award for Best On-going Documentary for her recurring role in "Plastic Surgeon On Call!"
8. Horned Shaman Guy for Best Avant Garde Comedy Performance In An Attempted Coup.
9. Stephen Miller for Best Performance In Sci-Fi in "Planet Of Only White Men" wherein a bizarre alien with a freakishly huge dome head lands in Washington and makes a vain attempt to turn back time. Miller just beats out Mike Pence's performance in the remake of "The Fly" and Marjorie Taylor Greene's performance in "Attack Of The Jewish Space Lasers."
10. Fled Cruz for Best Screenplay in "Flight To Cancun!" in which a strange little man who can never figure out why so many people hate him takes his wife and children across the border in search of a better life than the misery of Texas and leaves the dog behind.
11. The Best Short Film Award goes to: Riley June Williams! Riley is alleged to have stolen a laptop from Speaker Pelosi and to have tried to do what any red-blooded republican would do; sell it to the Russians! Riley June's movie (see a snippet below) features her doing a little techno white supremacy girl dance while giving a Hitler Seig Heil salute out to her fellow republicans. The runner up was 1/6's Camp Auschwitz Guy. Sorry buddy. You came up short. Maybe if you had at least done a little dance like Riley June did. Don't be too sad, though. I hear reports that RNC Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel sees the star potential in both of you in her party and is seeking to pair you and Riley June in a potential blockbuster for 2022.
12. This year's Special Lifetime Achievement Award goes to: Moscow Mitch McConnell for his multi-episode role in the Putin-acclaimed "Double Agent 666" spy series.
13. Lastly, Q gets Best Director for his role in all of it. After all, he runs the whole repug show.
Postscript: Former president Donald J. Trump didn't even receive a nomination, at least none that we will report. That's just to piss him off very bigly. Cry, Donnie, Cry! The award is a little statue of you. We know you want more but who said life is fair?