by Noah
I'm usually pretty revulsed whenever masses of Americans express any care at all about England's royal family. I mean didn't we spill a lot of blood to get rid of them and their insanity? Besides, if I want to see the effects of inbreeding, I'll go take a tour of Arkansas.
So what is it? I mean, c'mon, of course "the royals" are a bunch of racist assholes. Wasn't their whole empire based on racism? Every jewel in the Queen's crown was probably dug out of a mine by a whip-scarred slave somewhere in the world. "The sun never sets on British soil" and all that. Hell, we have our own racism to deal with.
I hear the Queen finds the talk of racism engendered by Oprah's interview with the two royal castaways to be "concerning" but that's just it, it's the talk that is "concerning" to her, not the actual racism itself. It's soooo British to not want to talk about such nasty "unpleasant" things, especially when you don't consider them to be all that nasty. Half of 'em think that addressing racism is an affront to "tradition" and adherence to tradition is cardinal rule number one if you're English and of a certain class. And, boy does class matter if you're from that quaint little alcohol-soaked isle.
Meghan was the Crown's greatest opportunity for change, regeneration, and reconciliation in a new era. They didn't just maltreat her light, they missed out on it. -Amanda Gorman
So here we are; Oprah interviews disowned former prince Harry and princess over the Queen's dead body Meghan and both America and England can talk of almost nothing else. Well, I guess it's because the people of both countries just adore the idiots at the top. We've certainly seen way more than enough evidence of that but the royal family is nothing but a bunch of professional game show hosts who get trotted out a few times a year for some dumbass "traditional" pageantry duty. Hell, Prince Phillip can't even get behind the wheel of a car without being a menace to the society that he cares not a whit about and Prince Charles said he wants to be a tampon. Need I go on? You could see smarter people on a carny row in Flor-i-duh or at a donkey show in Tijuana. If England had any sense, they'd get rid of them all. "Off ya go! Into the North Sea! Walk the plank! No, no life preservers! Here, have a souvenir snow globe of Buckingham Palace."
And don't even get me started on the Trump goons like Don Jr., the official poster boy for the dangers of drug abuse, Stephen "White Power" Miller and their typically republican white supremacist followers piling on in order to express their own racism just like the ugliest spew of the London tabloids. No one asked them but they saw a black interviewer interviewing a mixed race couple on TV and it was the KKK nightmare come to life at the highest societal level. It was more then they could bear. They also just couldn't stand the idea of being left out of a racist free for all! Trump Jr. even included a picture in his hateful tweet. In it the Trumps were standing with the royals as if to either convince us that he is somehow relevant or maybe just to say, "Hey, don't forget me. I'm a racist, too! "White Power! White Power!" Salon ignored the favorable republican responses to Don Jr. and ran with twitter responses of those of us blessed with an IQ above 70. You can view them at this link. It's worth while. Miller got his, too.
If I had a family of inbred Archie Bunkers like Harry's, I'd pack up with my wife and move 6000 miles away too. My God, the family was worried about how dark the then unborn child's skin might be! If I were in the same situation as Harry and Meghan, I'd adopt a veritable cornucopia of the brownest, blackest, darkest children I could find. Think of the family photo Christmas card I could send the Queen every year. I'd make it poster-sized. I'd run billboards all over England! I'd even turn it into an annual Christmas With Harry & Meghan TV show. Suck it Queenie!