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Madison Cawthorn Has Slammed The Closet Door Shut And Is Trying To Bolt Himself Inside

Updated: Dec 6, 2022

One Of The Most Bathetic Speeches Ever Given On The Floor Of Congress

There are a lot of closet cases in Congress but few as widely and tragically outed as poor Madison Cawthorn (R-NC). Yesterday, poor Madison, ousted this year in a primary after one miserably failed term, gave his farewell address to an empty chamber, the “Soft Metrosexual Address.” Speaking of which, in court testimony, when Cawthorn was suing one of his friends, he sworn under oath that his penis no longer functions— so any discussion of his sexuality is a little weird to nail down exactly... but soft pretty much covers the bases. His wife dumped him once she understood what that meant. And he appears to have had some kind of sexual relationship with his cousin/staffer, Stephen Smith, affectionate and tortured if not really physically passionate.

“It used to be a right of passage in this country,” he read yesterday from a warped and sadly self-loathing and sick statement he or someone else wrote, “for young men to be punched in the face when they did something stupid. Our nation used to believe that there was strength and purpose in taking the hit, learning from your mistakes and growing through the adversity. America is weak.” Projecting, he went on that “Her sons are sickly and her daughters are decrepit. Our country now faces the consequences of enabling a participation trophy society. We are no longer the United States. We’ve become the Nanny States. Our young men are taught that weakness is strength, that delicacy is desirable, that being a soft metrosexual is more valuable than training the mind, body and soul.”

He wasn’t done and decided to try a Shakespearian comedic a Churchillian impersonation. “Social media has weakened us, siphoning our men of their will to fight, to rise in a noble manner, square their jaws and a change once more into the breach of light to defend what they love. So on this precipice of disaster, I ask the young men of this nation a question: will you sit behind a screen while the story-tales of your forefathers become myths? Or will you stand resolute against the dating line of America’s Golden Age?”

This just gets sadder and more poignant for this poor confused kid by the moment. Who does he think he’s fooling? "Will you reclaim your masculinity? Will you become a man to be feared? To be respected to be looked up to? Or will you let this nation’s next generation be it’s final generation? With that I yield back."

His parents absolutely should be prevented from raising any more offspring. And, remember, he didn't lose by much. The new congressman, Chuck Edwards got 29,531 votes (33.4%) to Cawthorn's 28,177 (31.9%) in the 8-person contest. Cawthorn lost by 1,354 votes and it cost the embarrassed Republican establishment-- which he calls the uni-party-- a fortune to get rid of him. A few weeks ago, Cawthorn used the money he grifted from a penny-ante crypto-scam he was involved with to move out of North Carolina and buy a house in Cape Coral in southwest Florida for $1.1 million. He does have a lot of court appearances coming up in North Carolina though.

UPDATE: Cawthorn Fined

On December 6, the House Ethics Committee fined Cawthorn $15,000 for pumping the worthless Let’s Go Brandon coin without disclosing he had a financial interest in it. They also reported they found “no evidence” he was having sex with this cousin Stephen, a staffer.

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