LOL-- UFOs... Sure, Sure. What Drugs Were You On?

I feel very much about UFOs the way Ryan Grim told Saagar Enjeti he feels about them last week when some Pentagon outfit released some pictures of UFOs. Grim spoke about his inability to believe it. "They could walk on stage with a couple of aliens who would start talking and I would... well that's not happening. There's some time of mental block that I have that just doesn't allow me to go there, even though..."

Yes, even though. Yesterday I took a moment out of my day to tweet a UFO joke about Giuliani being an alien:

I can laugh and I can deny and I can laugh but... do you know anyone who was contacted by aliens in 1969? I was with friends In Barcelona and one was a rich girl whose parents were away for a week and she invited us to their estate in the middle of nowhere on Montserrat Mountain. Everyone was tripping except me; I had given up drugs. They decided to party at Collbató Caves and I decided to walk back to the house alone, through the woods. I heard a mechanical noise kind of following me. I got a little paranoid that it was Franco's fascist police. His World War II-era dictatorship had another 5-6 years to go and it was something to worry about... if you were alone in the woods. But I wasn't accosted and didn't see a tank or anything so I went to my sleeping bag on the veranda and climbed in to go to sleep. No one was around.

Suddenly I wasn't alone. It was a friendly alien. He assured me no harm would come to me no matter what and offered me-- telepathically-- a chance to visit his spaceship (maybe his planet but I don't remember... I think so, though). I was petrified and he kept assuring me that I was under no threat and that coercion was not going to happen. I demurred. "Are you sure?" Yeah, I was sure. Then I passed out and when I woke up in the morning everyone was back and still partying and I decided to drive back to Barcelona.

I put it right out of my mind-- never thought about it again. Well, not never. About 5 years later, my girlfriend and I were parting ways. She was going back to America and I wasn't. We decided to go someplace very remote where we could be alone the night before she was leaving. We picked a pretty desolate stretch dunes in the Den Helder area north of Amsterdam where we were living-- about an hour drive up the A7 in my VW camper. It was winter and not a soul around. We walked on the beach, mostly quietly, somberly. And then we weren't alone anymore.

A tiny speck of light in the sky, a twinkling star, drew our attention simultaneously. Within a few seconds it wasn't a tiny speck. It was as big as a barn over our heads. I knew Holland's biggest naval base was nearby but we were instantly in a 3-way telepathic conversation. Again, assurances that we were in no danger and that there would be no coercion, just an invitation to get on the ship and visit their planet. I think "move to" was more what was being implied than "visit." Looking back I think what was being offered was a one-way trip and guarantees that it would be very nice.

Not a spoken word, just me and Midge and Mr. Alien. We decided to pass on the invitation and the barn was back to being a speck really fast. Midge and I went over it in great detail. we had both experienced the exact same thing. I never saw her again. I'm not even 100% sure her name is Midge. And that experience was soon erased from my memory bank as well. By the way, Mr Alien didn't say anything about Barcelona.

Then... another 5 years or so and I was living on top of a hill on 25th Street where the Mission District ends and Noe Valley begins. I lived on the top floor of an old apartment building, 5 or 6 floors. I went to sleep one night and, guess who was back! This time he made it clear that this was my last chance, thereby letting me know this visit was connected to Spain and Holland. I was as scared as I was the first two times. It was the same story, no coercion, nothing to fear. Might as well come with us. I was too petrified to take the suggestion with the kind of seriousness I probably should have. It was a just say no moment. Again, "last chance." I was never contacted by them again.

I know it happened but I can't believe it happened. Like Ryan Grim, I have a block. And I have no problem laughing at people-- thinking people are crazy-- who talk about their own UFO experiences. The very few friends who I've talked to about this have urged me to write about it. I've mentioned it in passing a few times, but here you have it.

NOTE: After I wrote this, I found Midge's picture. I was right about her name being Midge.

by Mitch Dobrowner