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GOON-O-RAMA, 2021 In Review, Part 9: Republicans In Their Own Words 2021.3



by Noah


Republicans live on a lower rung of reality. The problem lies in the noxious fumes that seep up to us normal people. The proof of their sanity and intelligence deficits is in their words, actions, and the perceptions they impart to the rest of us. Read on.


1. Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO): (See Above) This woman brings the Twilight Zone around with her wherever she goes. In the absence of hearing otherwise, I guess we're supposed to assume that Colorado is proud of this woman. I don't know. Maybe next thing we'll know is that the people of some Colorado district will be lining up to vote for her husband and he will expand on his history of lewdness and run on a promise to expose his penis at every middle school in the district while campaigning with special guest Matt Gaetz. Campaign slogan: My Pronoun Is Penis. He'll be wanting to chauffeur his young sons around on their first dates of course.

2. Tucker Tiki Torch Carlson: When Killer Kyle Rittenhouse, the new darling of the Republican Party, spoke and received a standing ovation at the recent conservative Turning Point USA conference, white supremacist Carlson could not contain himself. He just had to shake his hand! He glommed onto Killer Kyle like Murray the K glommed onto The Beatles when they arrived at JFK airport. the conversation went like this:

Carlson: "Oh Kyle Rittenhouse! It's so nice to meet you! I can't believe you're here!"
Herr Rittenhouse: "I'm a big fan of your show!"
Carlson: "As you know, we're BIG fans of yours!"

Determined to be America's Go-To Nazi, Tucker Tiki Torch had already launched an entire series on the trial of his boy crush. He had exclusive filming rights to Herr Rittenhouse and his legal eagle crew.


3. Marjorie Traitor Greene (R-GA): She really is the best ad for not eating lead paint chips. So are the knuckle draggers that voted for her. Does rural Georgia have some sort of remnant Australopithecine population hidden away in the hills. I don't know and I don't intend to go looking. I've seen enough already. Now, consider the (at best) 2 ampere brain power that leads one to not be able to discern the difference between how you get cancer and how you get a virulently contagious airborne virus. This is a perfect example of the intelligence level of the simpleton republican mind at work and it goes a long way towards explaining why Marjorie Traitor Greene has been so enthusiastically embraced by the Republican Party; that and the right out in the open sedition and treason, of course. Also, as I've pointed out before, the tolerance of previous unfit republican luminaries such as Michele Bachmann, Pat Buchanan, Sarah Palin, and Dubya has lead to the likes of Greene, Gym Shower Jordan, Ron DeSantis, and the next clown I'm covering in this post.


4. Louie Gohmert (R-TX): There are so many quotes by so many Republicans and other nazi lifeforms that I could use for this kind of post. I could easily write one of these every day but life is too short. That said, no year end review can be complete without at least one visitation to Planet Louie. Go ahead. Read that quote from Louie again. Savor it. It's really special.


Oh yeah, Louie, that'll "have profound effects," alright! I have a better idea though. Perhaps some billionaire can take Louie up into space and leave him in orbit. Then, Republicans can go outside every night and chant his name and bow down to their new sky god as he flies overhead. Don't doubt for a second that they'd do it. In the meantime, Gohmert is about to flap his ears and leave Congress. He's decided to run for Attorney General in Texas. Being as the average IQ in Texas is obviously hovering around 60, he will be elected and he will have a big say in the vote counts of future elections in that godforsaken hellhole while the majority of Texans cheer their own demise.


5. And then, there's this. It's name is Paul Gosar (R-AZ). His sunstroked district in Arizona went out on Election Day and said, "That's our guy!" Maybe we should build a wall around his district.



Just imagine what the next batch of total lunatics from the Republican Party will be like because we've tolerated these people instead of put them all in handcuffs or straitjackets and hauled them away to the nearest jail or asylum.

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